By Chris Cue
January 25, 2009

     Ahh, the Fenway ticket buying experience. There’s nothing else like it. THANK GAWD! If you’ve never attempted to buy Red Sox game tickets at face value, well….let me clue you in and attempt to help you out (if possible). First, let’s start with the supplies you’ll need heading into this adventure. Yes, much like a camping trip to upper Maine, you’re going to need to be well equipped and well prepared to handle the task ahead of you. So, in case you are thinking about going on this excursion next year, I’ve put together a handy dandy checklist for you. It includes advice, physical items you will need and some tips to keep you from losing your freakin’ mind.

Here you go….

The Fenway Ticket Buying Checklist
(Before tickets go on sale)
1).  A good nights sleep. I know, it’s normally a Friday night and you want to party,

      but this is a must.
2).  An alarm clock set to wake you up no later then 8:30am. (see item #1)
3).  Coffee…..lots of Coffee. No trips to Dunkin Donuts….there won’t be time.
4).  At least 2 working computers with access to the internet.
      (wireless internet and at least 1 laptop will come in handy)
5).  1 telephone equipped with speed dial.
6).  2 helpers. These can be friends, family members or just people off the street

      looking to get out of the cold. (One will act as a “2nd buyer” and the other

      works as a “runner”)
7).  2 comfortable chairs to sit in. (one for you and one for the “2nd buyer”)
8).  The web site address (book marked into your “favorites”) for ticket purchases
9).  The phone number to call (pre-programmed into the phone) to purchase tickets.

10). A pre-determined plan of attack. This includes a prioritized list of dates, times

       and games you hope pray to get tickets for.
11). A good luck charm. A religious item blessed by no less then a Bishop

       may help.

     If you are well prepared, it should now be around 9-9:15 and you have time for breakfast. I’d suggest cold cereal since it doesn’t take long to prepare. However, if you’re really on top of your game, you may have time for toast, eggs & bacon, but leave time for a bathroom break you’ll want to be at you computer no later then 9:30am. At that time, using both computers, you and the “2nd buyer” will want to attempt to purchase tickets on line. I know, the tickets don’t go on sale until 10am, but you’re hoping for a head start by getting into the “virtual waiting room” ahead of everyone else. It doesn’t matter that the screen will say “All entries will be picked randomly”. Getting in ahead of everyone else will make you feel good about your chances and that’s important to your sanity. It’s also important that you use your “prioritized list” of games you want to see. Your first attempt should be clicking on the game you most want to attend. Now, once you’re in the “virtual waiting room”, you have from that time until 10am to do what ever you feel necessary. I’d suggest putting on every article of Red Sox clothing you own just for good karma and to prove to the computer that you’re a “Real Fan”and deserving of good fortune….again this helps out with your sanity and the rationalization you’ll need to endure the upcoming marathon.

     OK, so now you’re set. You’re ready for the bell to ring so you can come out fighting. Your heart is aflutter with the anticipation of getting Box Seats, your confident in your chances and proud that you’ll be getting tickets at face value. No need for a second mortgage on the home, you tell yourself that you can afford premium seats by purchasing them this way. The clock strikes 10am; you hit redial on the phone and watch the computer screen as the waiting room counts you down from 30 seconds to zero. You have high hopes of getting picked when the counter hits zero. In the mean time, the other end of the phone rings busy, so you hang up and hit redial again. You’re underway. The race has begun and you’re confident that you’re ready for anything. While all of this is going on, you and the “2nd buyer” will want to use that “runner” to gather up all the needed things you’ll have to have handy for the marathon you’re now running in. Here’s the list of things that “runner” should now be equipping you with….

(Hour One: When Box Seats are a certainty)

1).  A child’s sippy cup filled with Coffee. You’ll have to drink fast between busy signals and hitting redial….plus, you won’t want to spill any of it on the keyboard.

2).  If you smoke, you’ll need a lit candle. This prevents you from wasting time with a lighter

(Hour Two: When Box seats may be “iffy”)

1).  A small pillow to rest your elbow on. Supporting your chin while looking at the computer screen can take it’s toll on the old elbow.

2).  Medicated lotion. I suggest Ben Gay. It may smell bad, but it does loosen up your hand so you can continue hitting redial without cramping up too much.

3).  Some Visine may or may not be needed at this time to keep your eyes moist, You should have it handy just in case.

(Hour Three: When you know the Box seats are gone)

1).  The “runner” should now be providing you and the “2nd buyer” with a motivational speech. The Martin Luther King “I Have A Dream” speech seems to work well for me.

2).  More Ben Gay.

3).  A sedative because “Holy S**T!!!” you’ve finally gotten through on the phone.

4).  Another motivational speech because half way through your ticket order, the automated voice tells you “We’re sorry, the system is currently experiencing technical difficulties. Please hang up and try again“.

5).  Ear plugs for any children standing by are now needed so they won’t hear the words coming out of Mommy & Daddy’s mouth.

6).  It’s past noon, so a shot of Jack Daniels may not be inappropriate. The “runner” should have one standing by.

(Hour Four: You’re hoping for bleacher seats) 

1).  Duct Tape. It’ll help keep your eyes open and you’ll want to put the Visine in.

2).  Some bug spray to kill the spider that is building a cob web on you.

3).  The runner should now go to a store and buy a speaker phone….let’s face it, the Ben Gay is probably gone and you’re unable to lift anything at this point.

4). Another shot of Jack just to keep the juices flowing…

(Hour Five: WTF?)  

1).  A bucket. Mother Nature is probably calling, but you don’t dare leave your seat. (this item isn’t necessary if you have wireless internet and a laptop. Just don’t attempt to balance the computer on the side of the tub…that gets expensive and it never works)

2).  Another sedative. “Well it’s about F*&!ing Time!!” you’ve managed to get through on the phone again. (the virtual waiting room is still counting down from 30 seconds to zero with no hope in sight)

3).  Another shot of Jack Daniels to calm your nerves even further so you don’t screw this up.

4).  Some praise from the “runner” is warranted at this point for your dogged determination.

     You’ve done it! You got the tickets to the game you wanted to see. Who cares if they’re standing room only. You’ve accomplished something here. Face value tickets and it only cost you: A missed Friday night party, An early wake up time on a Saturday, A few pounds of Coffee, 3 packs of smokes, A tube of Ben Gay, Some Visine, 1/2 bottle of Jack Daniels, A new speaker phone, Your prozac prescription, Some duct tape and Some bug spray. You’ve won bragging rights to your friends. You have beaten down the competition and won yourself tickets to a ballgame!!

Good for you!!

Congratulations!!

Now, you can start all over again and go to work on the other game you want to see.

OR

You begin to see the value in giving Ace Tickets a call instead.